Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously.
Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.
Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.
No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?
"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them." — L. Ron Hubbard
When you are jealous, a line of communication is going on with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your spouse’s communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel jealous.
Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m unattractive?"
When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him." "He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."
So how do you handle your feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?
Solutions
"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*." — L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern—front to back.)
If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.
Bob says to his wife, "I don’t want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"
His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"
Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.
If Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.
If your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of communication. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his son?"
Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication line might be hidden from Marcia?" You realize she’s been acting annoyed ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.
"Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful and wants to go to a movie.
As well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.
Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship will be a big success.
L. Ron Hubbard also writes, "Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. . . ." Mr. Hubbard’s discoveries on insecurity are outlined in his book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, available in our bookstore
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Ways to Detect If a Man Dating a Woman is Deceiving Her
Some Men at time can be very cunning and deceptive. It is quite unfortunate women and young girls have fallen a victim of this deceptive act of men, making them to believe that they will marry them. Every woman feel relaxed when a man makes a promise of marry to her. In right sense no woman wants to ever remain single or unmarried.
But how can a woman detect or discover that a man who claimed to have fallen in love with a promise of serious commitment is deceiving or lying to her? What are the physical signs to detect this act of unhealthy deception?
1. DESIRE FOR SEX: There is a proverb that says: "What you can easily borrow you cannot spend Money to buy it". Any woman in relationship with a man should watch out for this behavior when the man who claims to love you starts demanding for sex. Sex does not come before marriage but after marriage. You do not build relationship by starting with sexual issues. Real men who want to settle down with a woman will not put sex first. Once sex is involved, there is no more excitement to explore. Parcels become more valuable when sealed. The excitement is in the seal but once it is opened the excitement disappears. Sex before marriage murders the excitement in continuous marriage relationship. Ladies should beware when the man who claims to be in love starts asking for sex. Love is not measured by Sex. Once he satisfies his sex drive, he looks out for new excitement and victim to explore. Any man doing these ends up dumping such a woman. Their conclusion has always been "she is not good material for marriage". You are only good for bed and not for home.
2. PREGNANCY TEST: Either it is for real or pretending, tell the man who claims to love you that: "you are pregnant for him after the relationship". A serious minded man will be happy to be called a father of your child but a deceiver will frown at the news of pregnancy. By frowning at the pregnancy test, it means you are only good for bed but not good to be called a mother. Do not waste your precious time and future with a man who is never ready to make you happy in life.
3. COMMITMENT TEST: A man who is ready to marry a woman will be happy to see the Parent for a serious commitment. Is only a prostitute you do not care about the parent and neither will you be prepared to enter any serious commitment. A hit and run or suck and dump man will never want to do any serious commitment, then what is the use of hoping what will never to a reality.
4. WATCH OUT FOR GIFT: Watch out when a man who claims to love a woman begins to bombard you with various kinds of gifts. Gifts pervert right sense of judgment. Let the man reserve his gift you until after the marriage. What is the need spending his hard earned money on you when he is not even sure of settling down with you? It is better for him to reserve it for tomorrow when two of you must have come together in holy matrimony. Men often use the term "let me spoil you". If the woman is spoilt before she finally settled down with a man, guess the man have got a serious problem to contend with. If addicted to his gift you may not have the strength to resist his demands when the need arises. A lover boy will portray his love by giving gifts but remember there are other ways to express your real heart felt love for a wife to be than blinding her with gifts.
5. FULL OF LIES: A man who is not ready for a serious marriage relationship will be full of lies. He says different things at a different time. He is unstable with his promise. If a man who is dating a lady or woman cannot keep his word/s or promise/s in a relationship now it is better to think otherwise in as much as woman will not want a broken heart. A deceiver will do everything to cover his lies but will not take note when he is pouring his words, but for you it is an opportunity test all the statement. With time the true will surface that his lying to you. Avoid this broken heart pain and quit this lying life.
But how can a woman detect or discover that a man who claimed to have fallen in love with a promise of serious commitment is deceiving or lying to her? What are the physical signs to detect this act of unhealthy deception?
1. DESIRE FOR SEX: There is a proverb that says: "What you can easily borrow you cannot spend Money to buy it". Any woman in relationship with a man should watch out for this behavior when the man who claims to love you starts demanding for sex. Sex does not come before marriage but after marriage. You do not build relationship by starting with sexual issues. Real men who want to settle down with a woman will not put sex first. Once sex is involved, there is no more excitement to explore. Parcels become more valuable when sealed. The excitement is in the seal but once it is opened the excitement disappears. Sex before marriage murders the excitement in continuous marriage relationship. Ladies should beware when the man who claims to be in love starts asking for sex. Love is not measured by Sex. Once he satisfies his sex drive, he looks out for new excitement and victim to explore. Any man doing these ends up dumping such a woman. Their conclusion has always been "she is not good material for marriage". You are only good for bed and not for home.
2. PREGNANCY TEST: Either it is for real or pretending, tell the man who claims to love you that: "you are pregnant for him after the relationship". A serious minded man will be happy to be called a father of your child but a deceiver will frown at the news of pregnancy. By frowning at the pregnancy test, it means you are only good for bed but not good to be called a mother. Do not waste your precious time and future with a man who is never ready to make you happy in life.
3. COMMITMENT TEST: A man who is ready to marry a woman will be happy to see the Parent for a serious commitment. Is only a prostitute you do not care about the parent and neither will you be prepared to enter any serious commitment. A hit and run or suck and dump man will never want to do any serious commitment, then what is the use of hoping what will never to a reality.
4. WATCH OUT FOR GIFT: Watch out when a man who claims to love a woman begins to bombard you with various kinds of gifts. Gifts pervert right sense of judgment. Let the man reserve his gift you until after the marriage. What is the need spending his hard earned money on you when he is not even sure of settling down with you? It is better for him to reserve it for tomorrow when two of you must have come together in holy matrimony. Men often use the term "let me spoil you". If the woman is spoilt before she finally settled down with a man, guess the man have got a serious problem to contend with. If addicted to his gift you may not have the strength to resist his demands when the need arises. A lover boy will portray his love by giving gifts but remember there are other ways to express your real heart felt love for a wife to be than blinding her with gifts.
5. FULL OF LIES: A man who is not ready for a serious marriage relationship will be full of lies. He says different things at a different time. He is unstable with his promise. If a man who is dating a lady or woman cannot keep his word/s or promise/s in a relationship now it is better to think otherwise in as much as woman will not want a broken heart. A deceiver will do everything to cover his lies but will not take note when he is pouring his words, but for you it is an opportunity test all the statement. With time the true will surface that his lying to you. Avoid this broken heart pain and quit this lying life.
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