Marriage is not for boys but rather for men. Real men are matured men. It is quite unfortunate today that we have a lot of lover boys and girls in marriage, which invariably have created a lot of serious Marriage problem.
Maturity of age have to a great extent contributes to success in any marriage relationship. Look closely into this life story. "A Youngman once approached his father that he wants to get married. The father turned down his request considering his age, though full grown up young man. After much repeated request the father obliged to allow him get married. But before the Youngman brought the wife to be for introduction (African settings), the father decided to set up a litmus test to test the young man maturity. The father tied up a dirty pig on the son's well-dressed-bed while he was away. On his arrival, he found a dirty tied up pig on his well dressed up bed. In anger the young man he protested that the pig must die. And at this point the father showed and said "Woman can do worse than this pig to you and if you insist that the pig should die it boils down to the fact that if your wife does something more despicable to you, you can equally send your wife to untimely grave." "Son! You are still immature to get involved into marriage relationship issue.
A lot of young lover boys and girls today have got into marriage relationship only to end up in divorce and regret the entire scenario. Marriage is not child play. It is never a thing to be toyed with. Those who toyed with it have got their fingers burnt. Marriage relationships are not made for boys and girls. The reasons are quite clear. Boys and girls are always under tutors and guardian. They always depend on others to make decisions for them. They are called "mummy's son or daughter and daddy' pet". They always attached to their guardian apron for important life decision. They often ask their mother "should I marry Suzy?" If the mother says no, that ends the relationship. It is better said they are not matured. If you need success in your marriage relationship maturity becomes a must key for the success. If any man intends to get into marriage issue he should ask this honest question "I am matured enough to accommodate a woman with their characters?"
According to Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother: and shall cleave to his wife and shall be one flesh". Specifically pointed out that a "man" not a boy, college student, or under age. Man shall leave ( break off from the parent's apron, matured enough to take decision, action, resolve issues without third party interference and cleave to his wife. Maturity in marriage means ability to leave and cleave. Notwithstanding look at the second life story: A wife of military officer in the course of little misunderstanding slapped the husband. The husband instead being over-reacted left the house quietly. The woman was worried for such an action by the husband. After a while the man returned home with this word of caution "If I have to react back to the way you slapped me, I will kill you with my bare hand but I know that if anger is not controlled, can destroy things.
Matured men don't rush into actions. He thinks before he acts. He doesn't speak anyhow. He doesn't act irrational. If at all you need to succeed in your marriage you need to consider your wife (woman) as a very "funny creature". They are very sweet, lovely, caring, happy now becomes sad next minute. If they to choose to love they love with everything within them and if they chose to hate they hate will all their heart. They are quite unpredictable. They are times one way traffic. They don't reason the way men reasons. That is how they are made. They are indeed funny creature. They are very wonderful. Therefore if your marriage will ever experience success in this area you need to exercise a lot of:
1. Patience
2. Understanding
3. Forbearance
4. Tenderness
Exercising the above takes maturity to make it happen.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
HOW TO KNOW WHEN MARRIAGE IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE
Problems in marriage cannot be over-ruled. They are quite inevitable. No marriage relationship is without misunderstanding. Problems in Marriage as we say does not just happen overnight but sad to say that it builds up gradually. It always begins somehow and sometime with ‘little – little’ things called faults and careless jokes. It builds up gradually as each day passes by with one or both party not taking those “little - little things” serious. We developed an attitude of “it-doesn’t-matter”. And by the virtue of “it-doesn’t-matter” we take joy in sweeping those unresolved grievances under the carpet.
Divorce or break-up can be defined as an outburst of accumulated bottled up unresolved issues or differences. It becomes unbearable when it gets to the Climax and the resultant effect is divorce or break up.
But before the marriage crisis reaches a point of no return, there are signs or indicators that will show you that the Marriage is heading toward shipwreck. Armed with these indicators you can do everything within your reach as fast as possible to remedy the situation. Impossible is only found in the dictionary of mediocrity. These indicators are like smoke detectors in homes that alerts on any possible fire outbreak situation. What are these indicators?
1.Food Test: The moment the husband begins to find joy and comfort in another woman food outside his matrimony home, the break up is imminent. The effect of this attitude is that whenever the wife presents food, he starts with one complain or the other such as “the food is too cold”, “is not pleasant”, “I am not hungry”. All this excuses are sure indicator that somebody is somewhere working to take over your home. It is also indicator that the man is getting tired of the relationship. Afraid to eat your food, possibly he fears you might poison him. Mistrust has become very evident in such action.
2. Communication Test: When a husband or wife finds no joy in chatting, sharing, discussing together with his or her partner but rather can spend hours sharing and discussing with another man or woman. When a little joke or word brings provocation. When meaning is read to every sentence or utterance. When couples can no longer communicate freely. When words spoken do not brings joy to the opposite partner. A little thing flairs you up and you show resentment. It is an indicator there is a problem. When sense of reasoning is clouded .If all these shows up in your marriage, check them out the marriage is about to collapse.
3. Sexual Drive Test: When the wife uses sex as weapon of revenge to deny the husband his conjugal right. This action after repeated attempt the husband is forced to seek pleasure and comfort somewhere else outside his matrimonial home. When a wife finds sexual pleasure with another man outside her marriage. The “man or woman outside the marriage” controls the “husband or the wife inside the marriage”. The moment another woman or man succeeds in taking over the husband or wife the marriage is about to sink.
4. Fellowship Test: When the going was good both of you finds happiness, comfort, security in staying together. The fellowship was such a type that the unmarried envies. Always together with the children at the Beach, Sport Arena, watching TV together. The wife falls back to the man’s arm with comfort and assurance. The woman finds joy and fulfillment staying together with her man. What a beautiful picture of fellowship. The man at work longs to see the wife and children. The wife, whenever on tour or assignment outside the home longs to see the husband. She makes frequent calls to the husband and children. The children pose a question “where is our dad?” “Where is our mum”? But when the marriage is approaching collapse, the man finds no joy in staying with the wife or children. He finds happiness outside with another woman or children. Whenever a wife or husband cannot find joy, comfort, peace in staying freely for at least 2 hours with each other there is a serious problem looming around the corner.
5. Secrecy Test: When the marriage is about to collapse keeping secrets from one another becomes the order of the day. The cell-phone, diary, statement of accounts, and others. Wife is not allowed to check his bag. Phone calls are answered secretly. Any attempt to find who is calling raises a problem. Wife finds it difficult to undress before the husband. When you can no longer be open to one another the marriage is begging for a close.
As we take cognizance of the entire above indicators we can as well remedy the situation by asking ourselves the question “WHY”
Divorce or break-up can be defined as an outburst of accumulated bottled up unresolved issues or differences. It becomes unbearable when it gets to the Climax and the resultant effect is divorce or break up.
But before the marriage crisis reaches a point of no return, there are signs or indicators that will show you that the Marriage is heading toward shipwreck. Armed with these indicators you can do everything within your reach as fast as possible to remedy the situation. Impossible is only found in the dictionary of mediocrity. These indicators are like smoke detectors in homes that alerts on any possible fire outbreak situation. What are these indicators?
1.Food Test: The moment the husband begins to find joy and comfort in another woman food outside his matrimony home, the break up is imminent. The effect of this attitude is that whenever the wife presents food, he starts with one complain or the other such as “the food is too cold”, “is not pleasant”, “I am not hungry”. All this excuses are sure indicator that somebody is somewhere working to take over your home. It is also indicator that the man is getting tired of the relationship. Afraid to eat your food, possibly he fears you might poison him. Mistrust has become very evident in such action.
2. Communication Test: When a husband or wife finds no joy in chatting, sharing, discussing together with his or her partner but rather can spend hours sharing and discussing with another man or woman. When a little joke or word brings provocation. When meaning is read to every sentence or utterance. When couples can no longer communicate freely. When words spoken do not brings joy to the opposite partner. A little thing flairs you up and you show resentment. It is an indicator there is a problem. When sense of reasoning is clouded .If all these shows up in your marriage, check them out the marriage is about to collapse.
3. Sexual Drive Test: When the wife uses sex as weapon of revenge to deny the husband his conjugal right. This action after repeated attempt the husband is forced to seek pleasure and comfort somewhere else outside his matrimonial home. When a wife finds sexual pleasure with another man outside her marriage. The “man or woman outside the marriage” controls the “husband or the wife inside the marriage”. The moment another woman or man succeeds in taking over the husband or wife the marriage is about to sink.
4. Fellowship Test: When the going was good both of you finds happiness, comfort, security in staying together. The fellowship was such a type that the unmarried envies. Always together with the children at the Beach, Sport Arena, watching TV together. The wife falls back to the man’s arm with comfort and assurance. The woman finds joy and fulfillment staying together with her man. What a beautiful picture of fellowship. The man at work longs to see the wife and children. The wife, whenever on tour or assignment outside the home longs to see the husband. She makes frequent calls to the husband and children. The children pose a question “where is our dad?” “Where is our mum”? But when the marriage is approaching collapse, the man finds no joy in staying with the wife or children. He finds happiness outside with another woman or children. Whenever a wife or husband cannot find joy, comfort, peace in staying freely for at least 2 hours with each other there is a serious problem looming around the corner.
5. Secrecy Test: When the marriage is about to collapse keeping secrets from one another becomes the order of the day. The cell-phone, diary, statement of accounts, and others. Wife is not allowed to check his bag. Phone calls are answered secretly. Any attempt to find who is calling raises a problem. Wife finds it difficult to undress before the husband. When you can no longer be open to one another the marriage is begging for a close.
As we take cognizance of the entire above indicators we can as well remedy the situation by asking ourselves the question “WHY”
Friday, October 10, 2008
How To Bring Back Peace To Marriage Problems
It was precisely 17th October, 2003. At about 4pm (1600hrs) when Mr. Paul a member of a Christian church was caught in the act of adultery (infidelity) with another lady.
The Clergy and Board of trustees summoned him to discuss the issue of his infidelity. The wife (Suzy) was also invited to hear what will be discussed. When the meeting started, the clergy broke the news to her that the husband (Mr. Paul) was caught sleeping with a lady (Rose) somewhere. After speaking, they queried her “What have you to say on this”? She replied “It may be true you said you caught my husband in the act of infidelity but for me I do not believe nor think that my husband can ever do such despicable act ” “I know my husband too well that he cannot bring such a shame to our matrimonial home.
The Clergy and the members in anger and frustration to establish a point brought the meeting to a close, Both couple departed for home, and right on their way home Suzy said to Paul “I know too well you did it,” all the allegations was true, but I decided not to wash my dirty linen in the public”. “I don’t want to condemn again, but however I reserve what I will do to you when we get home.”
As soon as they arrived home, Paul knelt down with tears running down his cheek and said to Suzy “Honey I am sorry for all the embarrassment I have caused you and the family”, the fact that you did not condemn me in the public in spite of the shameful act.” “You stood by me in midst of my crisis”, “I promise you from never again to hurt you or bring you to shame”. “Please forgive me”. Suzy looked into his eyes and embraced him. Suzy forgave the husband of the shame and embarrassment he caused the family. With this great attitude of humility the family crisis was healed completely.
No marriage without crisis but no matter how deep the crisis in any family the following:
Principles that can restore peace back into your marriage
1. Don’t wash your dirty linen in the public. Discuss your problem within the four corners of your room, announcing the problem will cause more crack or damage to your relationship.
2. Defend your spouse even in the face of impossibility. That defense built confidence and security. It makes your spouse relax in your arm.
3. Admit your fault fast. The earlier you admit your faults or mistakes the better you save your marriage or relationship from shipwreck
4. Kill your pride. Pride and arrogance will ruin your marriage. With pride you will be blind to see when you are falling.
5. Love for family. Do you love your family, children, wife, and husband? With love for the family you will stick together to salvage the situation, you can say with love; it is too late quit.
6. Forgiven heart. Learn to forgive your spouse, no matter the circumstances you find yourself. Forgiveness will heal the broken heart and bring health to your life.
The Clergy and Board of trustees summoned him to discuss the issue of his infidelity. The wife (Suzy) was also invited to hear what will be discussed. When the meeting started, the clergy broke the news to her that the husband (Mr. Paul) was caught sleeping with a lady (Rose) somewhere. After speaking, they queried her “What have you to say on this”? She replied “It may be true you said you caught my husband in the act of infidelity but for me I do not believe nor think that my husband can ever do such despicable act ” “I know my husband too well that he cannot bring such a shame to our matrimonial home.
The Clergy and the members in anger and frustration to establish a point brought the meeting to a close, Both couple departed for home, and right on their way home Suzy said to Paul “I know too well you did it,” all the allegations was true, but I decided not to wash my dirty linen in the public”. “I don’t want to condemn again, but however I reserve what I will do to you when we get home.”
As soon as they arrived home, Paul knelt down with tears running down his cheek and said to Suzy “Honey I am sorry for all the embarrassment I have caused you and the family”, the fact that you did not condemn me in the public in spite of the shameful act.” “You stood by me in midst of my crisis”, “I promise you from never again to hurt you or bring you to shame”. “Please forgive me”. Suzy looked into his eyes and embraced him. Suzy forgave the husband of the shame and embarrassment he caused the family. With this great attitude of humility the family crisis was healed completely.
No marriage without crisis but no matter how deep the crisis in any family the following:
Principles that can restore peace back into your marriage
1. Don’t wash your dirty linen in the public. Discuss your problem within the four corners of your room, announcing the problem will cause more crack or damage to your relationship.
2. Defend your spouse even in the face of impossibility. That defense built confidence and security. It makes your spouse relax in your arm.
3. Admit your fault fast. The earlier you admit your faults or mistakes the better you save your marriage or relationship from shipwreck
4. Kill your pride. Pride and arrogance will ruin your marriage. With pride you will be blind to see when you are falling.
5. Love for family. Do you love your family, children, wife, and husband? With love for the family you will stick together to salvage the situation, you can say with love; it is too late quit.
6. Forgiven heart. Learn to forgive your spouse, no matter the circumstances you find yourself. Forgiveness will heal the broken heart and bring health to your life.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Why Do many Relationships Die?
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2008
However badly marriage may be going at the moment; however broken the relationship between the two people may be at the moment, sometime in the past two people knew a happy moment or happy moments. There must have been a time when the two people entertain their idea that they could make it out to be husband and wife. Let each love story end up as it may, the beginning is always sweet. The trouble is that the sweet portion of relationship may be over before the marriage, and the parties enter into the marriage because they do not want to hurt rather than because they are still enjoying the relationship.
Why do many relationship die?
I think there are number of reasons. We shall briefly look at some of those and suggest remedies.
The first main reason is the facts that most that most relationship start outside the will of God. The parties involved have sinned and rebelled against God. They are living outside God’s will and a relationship that was meant to satisfy, with God at the centre of the lives of the participants, fails because self is ruling of both parties or one of the parties. So two sinners who continue in their sin will fail in their relationship.
The second reason is the wrong parties are married to each other. A man whose shoe size is 9 will have a bad time with an excellent size 7 shoe.
The third reason is that many people make mistake emotional fevers which come on and off, for love and get married on the basis of these, and when the fever is over, they find that there was no love on which to build the relationship.
The fourth reason is that the love is allowed to die. Love is in sense living. If well nourished, it will grow and multiply. If badly fed it becomes dwarfish. If starved or poisoned, it dies from the starvation or poison. So to stay in love, the things that poison love must be eliminated and the things that cause love to grow must be brought in.
The following things poisons and kills love:
1. -Harsh words
2. -Cruel actions
3. –Selfish attitudes
4. –Excessive demands
5. –Superficiality
6. –Dishonesty
7. –Lying
8. –Marital unfaithfulness
9. –Dirt and disorder
10. –Ugliness
11. –Gossip
12. –Coldness
13. –Foreign interference from relatives
14. –Spiritual blacksliding
15. –Poor communication
16. –Separation from each other
17. –Pride
18. –Exposure of the faults of the partners to others
19. –Extravagance
20. –Lack of a clear sense of direction
21. –Poor leaderships from the husband
22. –Insubmission from the wife
23. –Laziness
24. –Financial security(the best security is that with God as the Guarantor).
The following causes love to grow:
1 -Tender words
2 -Tender and understanding actions
3 -A selfless attitude
4 -Generousity
5 -Hospitality
6- Humility
7 - Openness (No hide and seek)
Can the death of relationship be avoided. Ofcourse, yes. If only and if we can take serious thought on the above. Heaven will be our limit of joy and peace of our marriage. Marriage is made to be enjoyed and not to be endured .
Posted by Nicholas Anyanwu Emeka at 11:25 PM 0 comments
However badly marriage may be going at the moment; however broken the relationship between the two people may be at the moment, sometime in the past two people knew a happy moment or happy moments. There must have been a time when the two people entertain their idea that they could make it out to be husband and wife. Let each love story end up as it may, the beginning is always sweet. The trouble is that the sweet portion of relationship may be over before the marriage, and the parties enter into the marriage because they do not want to hurt rather than because they are still enjoying the relationship.
Why do many relationship die?
I think there are number of reasons. We shall briefly look at some of those and suggest remedies.
The first main reason is the facts that most that most relationship start outside the will of God. The parties involved have sinned and rebelled against God. They are living outside God’s will and a relationship that was meant to satisfy, with God at the centre of the lives of the participants, fails because self is ruling of both parties or one of the parties. So two sinners who continue in their sin will fail in their relationship.
The second reason is the wrong parties are married to each other. A man whose shoe size is 9 will have a bad time with an excellent size 7 shoe.
The third reason is that many people make mistake emotional fevers which come on and off, for love and get married on the basis of these, and when the fever is over, they find that there was no love on which to build the relationship.
The fourth reason is that the love is allowed to die. Love is in sense living. If well nourished, it will grow and multiply. If badly fed it becomes dwarfish. If starved or poisoned, it dies from the starvation or poison. So to stay in love, the things that poison love must be eliminated and the things that cause love to grow must be brought in.
The following things poisons and kills love:
1. -Harsh words
2. -Cruel actions
3. –Selfish attitudes
4. –Excessive demands
5. –Superficiality
6. –Dishonesty
7. –Lying
8. –Marital unfaithfulness
9. –Dirt and disorder
10. –Ugliness
11. –Gossip
12. –Coldness
13. –Foreign interference from relatives
14. –Spiritual blacksliding
15. –Poor communication
16. –Separation from each other
17. –Pride
18. –Exposure of the faults of the partners to others
19. –Extravagance
20. –Lack of a clear sense of direction
21. –Poor leaderships from the husband
22. –Insubmission from the wife
23. –Laziness
24. –Financial security(the best security is that with God as the Guarantor).
The following causes love to grow:
1 -Tender words
2 -Tender and understanding actions
3 -A selfless attitude
4 -Generousity
5 -Hospitality
6- Humility
7 - Openness (No hide and seek)
Can the death of relationship be avoided. Ofcourse, yes. If only and if we can take serious thought on the above. Heaven will be our limit of joy and peace of our marriage. Marriage is made to be enjoyed and not to be endured .
Posted by Nicholas Anyanwu Emeka at 11:25 PM 0 comments
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